WHEN I FIRST STARTED

MY F*CEB**K  ADVENTURES

I WAS LIKE

THE PROVERBIAL

KID IN A CANDY SHOP.

 

WHILE NOT A GRANDMASTER

OF F*CEB**K  GAMING

NOW THAT I HAVE JOINED

THE RANK OF EXPERT GAMERS

 

I HAVE WAVED GOODBYE

TO MAF*A W*RS,

C*FE W*RLD,

TIKI F*RM,

C*STLE AGE

AND COUNTLESS ADVENTURE GAMES.

 

NOW I CLEAR BRUSH,

RAISE ANIMALS,

TRAVEL THE PI*NEER TR*IL,

SEND ITEMS

OR VISIT THE HOMESTEADS

OF MY FELLOW PLAYERS.

 

I ALSO PLAY F*RMVILLE,

BUT FOR THE MOST PART

I JUST DROP IN FOR A FEW MINUTES

CLICK ON GIFT REQUESTS

AND FEED A FEW ANIMALS

ON MY ENGL*SH CO*NTRYS*DE FARM.

 

I HAVE BEEN ZYNGAFIED

MORE THAN ONCE,

BUT ALAS

I STILL FEEL A PULL

 

LIKE A SIREN’S CALL

AS I HEAR PEPPY MIDI MUSIC

LIKE SLOT MACHINES

IN A CASINO.

 

DEMENTEDLY I CLICK AWAY,

HARVESTING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT,

RANGING FROM BRIGHT ORANGE PUMPKINS

TO DARK BLUE OXEN.

 

I AM GREETED

BY NOW COMFORTABLY FAMILIAR

SOUND EFFECTS:

 

DUCK QUACKS,

BEAR GROWLS,

BLEATING SHEEP,

COW BELLOWING,

AX CHOPPING,

 

BARKS FROM MY YELLOW LABS

SPOOKY & TID BITTY.

 

MY CHARACTERS,

WHEN CLICKED ON,

YELL, “HOWDY!”

 

LET US NOT FORGET

THE WHACK,  WHACK,  WHACK

OF HAMMERS

POUNDING NAILS INTO NEW BUILDINGS

 

OR THE HULLABALOO OF CHICKENS,

FRENZIEDLY BEATING THEIR WINGS,

AS FOXES AND COYOTES

SNAP THEM UP!

 

WHERE

HAS THE TIME GONE?

 

TOMORROW I’LL BE BACK

TO SOCIALIZE

FROM THE SAFETY

OF INVISIBLE INTERNET WALLS.

 

ONCE,

NOT SEVERAL TIMES A DAY,

AS I DID

FOR A SHORT WHILE

BEFORE THE NOVELTY

WORE AWAY.

 

IF I STAY AWAY

TOO LONG

I WILL RETURN

TO WITHERED PLANTS,

AND A TOWN

 

FILLED WITH BRISTLING

LIME GREEN CACTI,

THORNY BROWN TUMBLE WEEDS,

ROCK PILES

AND BONE WHITE CATTLE SKULLS

FILLED WITH SNAKES

THAT WILL NEED CLOBBERING.

 

SO ANOTHER GAMING DAY

OR NIGHT

OR AFTERNOON

WILL DAWN

 

AND I WILL BE SERENADED

BY FUNKY FIDDLE MUSIC,

PROBABLY SEVERAL TIMES

IN LESS THAN THIRTY MINUTES,

 

WHILE MAD JACK’S

CARTOON FACE

APPEARS AGAIN TO QUIP,

“BLASTED INTERNET!”

 

AS MY HOMESTEAD

SLOWLY,

LIKE CHARGING GARDEN SNAILS,

MATERIALIZES

ONE ITEM AT A TIME,

FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME.

 

WTO 9/2011