THE IRISH PUB THEME PARK 

 

Back when I lived in Rice Lake

I dreamed one night about

An Irish Pub Theme Park.

 

There was a high-rise hotel

With a slowly spinning theme restaurant

At the top,

Designed so that you could

Watch people play The Irish Pub Game

Through the windows as you dined.

 

There were also cafes, coffee shops

And a quaint souvenir shop

That sold Irish themed bric-a-brac

As well as board game versions of all three games.

 

I had to work out the kinks,

But after several weeks

I had working models of all three games!

 

Most people who played the games

Said they were quite complicated,

But once they got the rules down

They had loads of fun.

 

The Pubbing Game was like Monopoly,

But rather than buying property

and putting up hotels,

You “pubbed” through several theme bars,

Playing darts, bowling,

Kickboxing, karaoke, poker,

Gambled in the sport pub

And tried your luck with lottery scratch off.

 

Beware!

Pick pockets and thugs were on the prowl!

Don’t irritate the bouncer!

Tip the barmaids well or you’ll regret it!

You could even be challenged

To a duel by other players!

Or get caught in the middle

Of a Sanguineous Leprechaun gang fight!

And don’t break the law

Or you’ll spend the night

In Constable Paddy’s jail!

 

The goal of the game

Was to win the pub games

And collect all the pub tokens.

 

Simple Sundays

Was the children’s version of The Pubbing Game.

The only beer served was green root beer!

Only Sunday school songs

Were allowed in the karaoke hall.

Kickboxing was just a video game

Rather than “for real.”

Otherwise, it was a kinder, gentler,

And simpler version

Of The Pubbing Game.

 

The third game was Conner’s Carnival.

While the board was similar

To the other two games,

You rolled your dice

And traveled around a carnival,

Riding the rides and playing the midway games.

Don’t land on the Concession Wagon square!

Or you’ll have to buy Cokes,

Cotton Candy and Corn Dogs for everyone!

 

No bouncers here,

But the Irish munchkin pickpockets

Skulk about

Ready to steal your cash,

Ride tickets and carnival tokens.

 

I made my own games for about $75 a pop.

One family made modesty skirts for the barmaids

In the Simple Sunday game.

Their daughter laughed,

Following their second trial run, and joked,

“Games by Wayne, won by Wayne!”

I won less than half of the time.

 

Sad to say my friends who often played

Have moved away

Or drifted back to more popular games.

 

I know that I wouldn’t have the money

To build my own

Multi-million dollar Irish Pub Theme Park.

If I did, I’d have to hand the keys

To someone else.

 

I just don’t have the time.

No time even to play the board games

I once designed.

 

But from time to time

I get out The Pubbing Game,

Simple Sundays

Or Conner’s Carnival and marvel

Over The Irish Pub Theme Park dream

That had started it all.

 

As I fondly sort through

The gaming pieces

And colorful playing boards,

Memories flow

like champagne into fluted crystal.

 

WTO 11.29.11

 

From my book Waysides Along the Journey 4: Caravansary.

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