Practice Christian Mentoring NOT False-Shepherd Mentoring!

Just this morning David Dyer sent me a new article.  An edited and updated version will probably appear in a new book or video in the future. I will put the article and David’s photo after my intro.

I enjoyed the article so much that I sent David a quick e-note complimenting and affirming his article:

wayne oconner <enyawrennoco@yahoo.com>

To:David Dyer

Fri, Sep 16 at 9:54 AM

Excellent article, David. Mentoring is good, but so many who teach “mentoring” begin “lording over” their disciples. That is very bad. It is the sin of the Nicolaitans! This is another reason we need to have a genuine relationship with Jesus, where over time, the Holy Spirit works with us to help us progressively become more and more like Jesus. We stumble, we fall, we get up again. Rather, we are often taught to hang onto the apron strings of our spiritual leaders.  Read that as authoritarian control and micro-management of our lives! When we fall under that style of leadership, that is false-shepherd-mentoring (lording over).  I have experienced such groups, David, as you illustrated in your article – both in traditional churches and in home fellowships!  The issue is real and serious in nature and when confronted most false shepherds just double-down on their error and work even harder at making disciples who are “twice the sons of Hell.”

If I were on Facebook and not banned for life, I would definitely share this article!

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Retired Missionary David W. Dyer

• TWO KINDS OF DISCIPLESHIP
  (A biblical example.)

  In the scriptures, we are instructed to go and make disciples.
  But how are we to do that? What is the right way to go about this
  task?

  Some today are using a very “hands on” approach. They believe
  that they need to supervise the lives of those they are discipling. They
  closely follow the activities of their disciples, giving them counsel and
  direction about a great variety of things. They guide them in where
  they work, counsel them about who they should marry, they give
  them direction about financial questions and in almost every other
  area of their lives.

  In doing so, they believe they are helping these disciples to
  follow the Lord and obey His directives.
  Now, this kind of discipleship can produce visible results. It can,
  in fact, affect the conduct and lifestyle of those who are so discipled.
  We find a very interesting example of this kind of discipleship in the
  scriptures.

  To begin, we need to have a little of the background for this
  account. Perhaps this portion of history is a little bit like the “Game of
  Thrones” series which came out recently. If you read the history of the
  kings of Judah, you will find the record of a king named Joash. Before
  Joash became king, his father Ahaziah reigned in Judah. The queen
  mother, Athaliah, was the granddaughter of Omri, an evil king of
  Israel.

  When Ahaziah her son was killed, Athaliah took some steps to
  not lose control over the kingdom. She killed all the potential heirs to
  the throne and took over herself and reigned over Judah for six years.
  (By the way, did you know that Judah had a queen reigning over them
  for six years?) But without her knowledge, one of the king’s
  daughters had hidden one of the heirs so that he didn’t die.
  Then when this young boy, whose name was Joash, reached the
  age of seven years, the high priest Jehoiada took him from the
  temple where he had been hiding him, and had him crowned king. In
  the process, he had Athaliah killed. You can read all about this
  fascinating story in 2 Kings chapters 8-12 and 2 Chronicles chapters
  22-24.

  Then the priest Jehoiada became the “mentor” or discipler of
  the young king, Joash. This priest was a genuine man of God and
  guided Joash for many years in the right direction. He provided wives
  for him. He gave him counsel about many things. Through his
  guidance the king walked in the ways of God for a good long time.

  Jehoiada was so good in his mentoring of the king that when he
  died, he was buried with the other kings in a special plot of ground. I
  know of no other recorded instance in which this happened. In fact,
  even Joash the young king was not accorded this honor when he
  died (2 Ch 24:26). Jehoiada must have been a really good discipler!
  Naturally, this man of God did not live forever. Even though he
  made it to be 130 years old, which was about twice as long as other
  people lived at the time, he eventually died. So, what happened to his
  “disciple”? Did he continue on walking with God? Had the years of
  counsel and training done him any good? No!
  Soon after the death of Jehoiada the priest, he fell away from
  everything he had been taught and began to practice all the things
  which God hates. Under the influence of others, he forsook the
  temple and began to worship the Asherim and other idols. He even
  went so far as to kill the son of his mentor who rebuked him for going
  astray and prophesied against him. (See 2 Chronicles 24:20-22 and
  Luke 11:51).

  What can we learn from this story? It is that there is a kind of
  discipleship which doesn’t really work. There is a way of “mentoring”
  or discipling another person which seems to produce good results,
  but actually does nothing to change that person from the inside.
  Over the years of walking with the Lord, I have seen many such
  cases. Here in Brazil, there are quite a few groups which practice
  what they call “discipleship”. Each member of the group has a
  personal mentor or discipler, who guides their life. They give them
  direction about who to marry, which job to take, help them make
  financial decisions, and many other things. In some cases, this seems
  to produce “results”. Some of these disciples appear to live lives
  which have a kind of godly order and principles.
  We have also observed a similar situation with people who,
  although they don’t have a personal discipler, belong to groups which
  tend to be very controlling of the members’ lives. These groups are
  usually very tightly knit and the lives of the members are closely
  scrutinized.

  Due to the peer pressure from the group, these members also
  tend to have lives which conform to some moral standards. People in
  such groups often think well of themselves because they have a
  conduct which seems to be above that of Christians in other, less
  controlling, groups.

  But, we notice that when people leave these groups or leave
  their discipleship regime for one reason or another, their lives often
  change. They don’t continue to adhere to the standards which their
  discipler or group taught them. Many fall into sin or worldliness. They
  seem to be just like king Joash who appeared to have an upright life,
  but was really just depending on his mentor for direction. In their
  interior their hearts were not really changed into the image of Christ.
  Some go to back to the world. Others abandon the faith. Still
  others divorce and focus their lives on personal pleasure. Some
  wander from one Christian group to another group, looking for
  something or someone to replace the lack of direction and care they
  experienced while being discipled or influenced by some church.
  In very many cases, these individuals do not know how to follow
  the Lord themselves. They have not developed a personal intimacy
  with God. They have deluded themselves, thinking that they were
  following Jesus, when in reality they were just being led by a mentor
  or the leadership of a group.

  Consequently, they have little, if any, experience following Jesus
  themselves. They don’t know how to hear from Him. They don’t really
  know His voice (Jn 10:27). Their spiritual faculties have not been
  exercised or “tuned in” to God in order to be able to know how to
  walk with Him. The idea of following the Spirit is a mystery to them
  since they have been following men for so long.
  Not a few have even said to me that they could not imagine
  following Jesus for themselves. They have been so schooled to look
  to men for their guidance that they even think it is rebellious or wrong
  to be led directly by Christ. One person said to me the following: “If
  God wants to lead me or speak to me, He will certainly speak to the
  leadership of the group who will then pass it along to me through my
  discipler.” Looking to Jesus directly is thought to be rebellious,
  independent, and not submissive.

  The results of this kind of discipleship is disastrous.

  Well-meaning men and women trying to disciple others lead these
  disciples into a dependance upon themselves instead of the Lord.
  Perhaps without meaning to, they become a substitute for the Lord
  Jesus in the lives of their disciples. So, if and when this human
  connection is broken these disciples have no clue what to do, where
  to go, or how to walk with Jesus.

  Perhaps without realising it, these disciplers destroy the spiritual
  lives of their disciples. They instill in them a fear of “rebellion” against
  the authority of the church, the leadership, or their discipler.
  Consequently, the disciple becomes reluctant to seek God for
  himself. What if God were to say something different from what the
  group is saying? What if He gave them a different direction? This then
  would lead the disciple into a conflict, often a very serious conflict,
  with the leadership.

  Frequently, these disciples are younger believers. They don’t
  have the spiritual strength or experience to enter into such conflict
  with the leadership of their group. So many just choose to avoid
  problems and stop seeking God for themselves. As long as they just
  listen to their discipler and obey him or her, everything will go along
  smoothly. If they suddenly hear from God Himself, this could cause
  problems.

  This transition from seeking God for themselves to dependence
  on men is very subtle. It takes time. But it is the inevitable result of
  the practice of discipleship which is human in its origin and practice.
  You may be surprised to hear this, but groups who practice a
  controlling form of discipleship have evil spiritual beings working
  behind the scenes. Of course, they are not aware of it, but it is true all
  the same. These disciplers have been duped into becoming tools for
  the forces of evil, leaving behind them an endless train of destroyed
  lives. We have seen hundreds, if not thousands, of such examples.
  These spirits have the purpose of destroying a new Christian’s
  walk with the Lord. They use these wrong discipleship practices to
  accomplish just such a goal.

  These evil forces use the groups which have these practices as
  bait to attract new converts who are really seeking God. Since these
  groups seem to have a serious attitude against sin and exhibit moral
  standards which are superior to many other looser, more “relaxed”
  Christian groups, these seekers are attracted to them. Once the new
  convert is inside the group, these evil spirits work through this
  discipleship to detach these believers from a sole dependence on the
  Lord and give them a fear of walking with Jesus themselves.
  The learn to fear “being rebellious”. They learn to think highly of
  themselves and poorly of other Christian groups. In many cases, they
  are taught that their groups is only right church or one of a select few.
  So they become afraid to think or seek God for themselves and afraid
  to leave the group. These people have been groomed to think that
  their group or practice is the only right way. They have their
  consciences trained to believe that true Christianity is just what they
  are living and believing. The evil spirits have done their work!
  So, if and when they do leave the group, they are without
  direction, hounded by accusations of being rebellious, and not
  knowing where to turn. Not only do these Christians lose their friends
  (and sometimes family members who are in the group) they often find
  themselves alone without any support. They have been weakened
  spiritually by having their relationship with Jesus substituted by
  something else and are unprepared to face the challenges of walking
  with the Lord without human support.

  On top of this, the evil spirits under whose influence they have
  come, attack them mercilessly with accusations of rebellion, error,
  having left God, etc. In their weakened spiritual state, they are very
  vulnerable to such attacks. They probably feel that they have fallen
  away from the Lord, but perhaps they just can’t take it any more
  inside the group, so they leave. In such cases, many just give up
  trying to follow Jesus and return to a worldly life.

  It is very hard for such people to find their way into something
  genuine. It is difficult for them to find their way back to God. Sadly,
  the great majority of those we have seen leave such situations do not
  seem to find their way back to God. They don’t seem to be able to
  sort through the errors and find the truth.

  Since the church as a whole today is in a low spiritual state,
  these people have few options of where to turn for help. Very, very
  often the faith of these unprepared people is shipwrecked. Sin,
  confusion, and worldliness are the result.

  Naturally, the groups these people leave or their disciplers point
  out their moral failings and use this to put fear into the remaining
  members. “Look”, they say, “that person left our group (or
  discipleship system) and they fell into sin! See how our practices
  keep people in the right way!” In so doing, they overlook their own
  failings.

  So we have observed that even though such discipleship seems
  to produce “results” and such people seem to exhibit some kind
  righteousness in their lives, they are often just a Joash following the
  orientation of Jehoiada. Something which seems to be so good, is
  actually damaging the spiritual lives of these disciples.
  This method has created in them a false sense of well-being and
  being right with God while they, in fact, were not growing close to
  God at all. It generated a dependance upon human leadership and
  did nothing to build up their intimacy with God, enabling them to hear
  from Him and follow Him for themselves.

  Here we need to ask ourselves an important question: is what
  we are doing really working? Is our way of disciplining others really
  changing them or is it merely working on the appearance and not on
  the heart? Is keeping someone from error through a human guidance
  system really what God wants? Is this really what He meant when He
  told us to “make disciples”?

  If we are honest, we must admit that if the upright behavior of
  someone does not continue after the external supervision or pressure
  is removed, then there has been no real, eternal change in them.
  Although they may have exhibited changes in their conduct, their
  hearts were not transformed.

  These considerations at hand are extremely serious. We will all
  give account of ourselves before God. We read: “And he said to his
  disciples, ‘It is impossible for situations which cause someone to
  stumble {or, to be offended} not to happen. But woe to him through
  whom they come! It would be much better for him if a millstone was
  tied about his neck and he was thrown into the sea rather than for
  him to cause one of these little ones to stumble {or, be offended}’” Lk17:1,2).

  TRUE DISCIPLESHIP

  So then, how do we really make disciples? What is the right way
  to proceed? First and foremost, we must realize that we must not
  make disciples to a moral standard or an ethical position even if it is
  biblical. We must make disciples to a Person, Jesus. Our job is to
  bring new converts and others into an intimate, personal relationship
  with Jesus. This is our first and only responsibility.

  Secondly, we must be very careful that those whom we disciple
  do not become dependent on us. They must not lean on us. They
  must not look to us for guidance. We must in all cases, point them to
  the Lord for their support and direction. In many instances, this is
  more difficult than simply giving them an easy scriptural answer to
  their questions. But if we are to make real disciples, this is the only
  way.

  In order to disciple someone, we first must know God for
  ourselves. We must cultivate an intimacy with Him. Our lives, our
  entire living, must be yielded to Him. He must be ruling over our
  hearts. This includes ruling over our thinking, our sentiments and our
  decisions. He must be the Lord our our lives, not just in words, but in
  practice.

  You can never lead someone somewhere you have never been
  yourself. Your relationship with the Lord cannot be second hand. The
  revelation you have must not be merely something you read in a book
  or something you were taught. All of us need to have first-hand
  experiences with God Himself. We must know Him for ourselves. And
  through this intimacy with Him, learn how to follow Him.
  When Jesus becomes our life – that means that He is the
  fountain, the source of our living – then we are qualified to show
  others the way. It is perhaps easy to simply tell others about some
  biblical, ethical standards, but true Christianity is much more than
  this. It is being transformed from the inside out by the life of God
  Himself. To make disciples, we need to become a disciple. We need
  to allow God to do a miraculous transformation work in our beings.
  This of course is not easy. It means that we need to be filled with
  God’s life and experience His crucifixion for ourselves. It means that
  we have a serious, long-term dedication to allowing the Holy Spirit to
  fill us and change us. We must become a living expression of who
  and what God is. We need to arrive at the place where Paul arrived
  when he said: “For me to live is Christ” (Ph 1:21).

  GOD GAVE US FREE WILL

  As we help others know and follow the Lord, we must always be
  careful to respect their free will, just as God does. God does not push
  and shove. He never insists that anyone obey Him. He never argues
  with us, trying to convince us to do His will. He simply speaks what
  He has to say and leaves it at that.

  As an example, let us think about Eve in the Garden of Eden.
  There she was with the forbidden fruit in her hand. Her mouth was
  open and she was about to take a bite. Without knowing it, she was
  about to destroy God’s new creation. With this one bite, sin would
  come into the world. All the horrible things we see today: disease,
  crime, abuse, death and all other such things are the result of this one
  bite.

  No doubt God was watching. But notice this! He did not come
  rushing down to stop her. He did not reach out His hand and put it
  between the fruit and her mouth. He didn’t say: “Psssst, Eve. What
  are you doing? I’ve forbidden that fruit. You are about to ruin
  everything.” He allowed her to freely choose.

  Despite the fact that murder, rape, illness, decay, robbery, hate,
  jealousy, and an endless list of other evils was about to begin, God
  did nothing to interfere with her free will.

  This must be a lesson to us. We who know Him, who are
  supposed to be representatives of God on this earth, can never act in
  ways which He would not act. We, His people, are not permitted to
  do things He Himself would never do.

  This means that we can never pressure people to do His will,
  even if we do this subtly. We cannot insist that they do the right thing.
  We are not allowed to push and shove others in the direction which
  we think they should go. This includes putting ourselves in a position
  of being a discipler or mentor whom they are expected to obey.
  For example, there are times when we have a certain question
  before God about a direction in our lives. But have you ever noticed
  that sometimes, the more you want a clear “word from the Lord” the
  quieter He speaks? Instead of the booming voice telling us what to
  do (which is how we wish He would speak) He speaks in a whisper or
  not at all. This is because He doesn’t want us to obey without our
  hearts really being submitted to Him.

  If God were to shout from heaven, most of us would obey out of
  fear whether we wanted to or not. But such obedience does not
  please God. He wants our hearts.

  When we are discipling others, we cannot act differently from
  Him. We must be careful not to just give people easy answers. We
  must be very cautious not to be the source of their direction. Our job
  is to assist them in looking to God and hearing from Him. Our part is
  to continually point them to Jesus’ helping them learn to know His
  voice and leading.

  These people with whom we relate must become disciples of
  Jesus, not our disciples or followers of some religious or moral
  standards. We need to show them Jesus acting in our lives and
  leading us so that they have an example to imitate. In 1 Corinthians
  11:1 Paul says: “Be imitating me in the way that I follow the Anointed
  One.”

  (One thing I would like to make clear here that we are not
  discussing raising children. Although some of these principles apply,
  not all of them do. That is a whole other subject about which we do
  not have room to speak at this time.)

  We must be true disciples ourselves so that we have some
  experience in following Jesus to share with others. The more we
  know about how to hear from Him, including the difficulties, the
  challenges, the failures, the successes, the more we will be able to
  encourage others to draw near to Him and experience Him for
  themselves.

  Our walk with the Lord is one of the most important parts of
  making disciples. Without it, our “discipleship” is an empty shell. For
  example: many of the people whom we encounter who have left
  some group or discipleship system have left their group because of
  moral failings of the leaders.

  These leaders have been caught in drunkenness, gambling,
  adultery, misuse of money and many other things. Yet, for many years
  these men and women have been demanding obedience from their
  followers. Such discipleship is just a farce! While the followers of
  such leaders may conform to some religious standards, they have not
  been changed into the image of Christ.

  It is no wonder then, that when they have a falling out with their
  group and leave, they don’t know where to turn. They have not been
  brought into an intimacy with the God of the universe and therefore
  don’t know how to hear from Him and follow Him.

  Dear brothers and sisters, this is a serious subject! We need to
  review before God what we are doing. Is our discipleship of others
  providing them with something life-changing and eternal? Are they
  being brought closer to God, learning to love Him and depend solely
  upon Him? Or are we simply acting like Jehoiada guiding the lives of
  people who depend on us and look to us?

  God’s goal in our following Him is not merely that we live moral,
  upright lives. It is that our hearts are changed to be like Him.

  DWD

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