In Jesus Name, I bind Alf and his associates from attacking, tricking, trapping, following, or tormenting any who read or hear this story.

Husbands,
love your wives,
even as Christ also loved the church,
and gave Himself for it;
Ephesians 5:25 KJV

Willow was a young Christian lady of about thirty years of age. She visited church once or twice per month and felt that she had a strong relationship with Jesus. Really, she knew about Jesus, rather than having a relationship and was quite worldly and had a very weak and average Christian walk.

Willow did read her Bible occasionally and listened to Christian radio shows once or twice per week. She was tall and slender but with a slight belly. Willow resembled the art history pictures of Venus on the half shell – that is, she had a slight belly, even though otherwise thin. Willow was attractive, but only in an average way.

She was very smart, but also eccentric. Willow had dated a few men, and was sexually active with them, but after finding a new age Christian website, decided that she would be celibate for Jesus.

Originally, her name had not been Willow, but she had changed it when she became a member of Bobble-head Jesus Group. Their Jesus was a very seeker friendly Jesus, who taught about crystal magic, fortune-telling and that Hell was just an allegory. This false Jesus taught a very watered-down gospel where you could do just about anything you wanted, as long as you invited him into your life.

Willow licked her lips in anticipation. Her hands shook as she clutched her transparent Bobble-head Jesus, with its shiny metallic inner red heart. Willow closed her eyes and sighed with ecstasy as her little Bobble-head Jesus charm jiggled like Jell-O and nodded affirmatively, reassuring her that her wonderfully powerful destiny was about to momentarily magically and majestically unfold! Remember Willow girl, Wesley’s dream is just an anxiety dream, she thought. He is an old dear. He just worries about you. He is your best friend, you’ll have to cut him a break! Don’t worry Willow honey, Jesus has to protect you, so don’t worry yourself Willow girl. You aren’t in any danger. None! Nada! Zip!